tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
