And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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