if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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