Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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