Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
