If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
