I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
