Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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