i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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