i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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