My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
