Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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