Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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