Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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