the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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