I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
