theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
