He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
