I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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