in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I checked into jail on foursquare
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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