I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
