the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
ambylanc
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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