Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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