Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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