I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
