someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
