my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
