I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize