Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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