I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
