the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
