My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
