I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
