I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize