this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
