filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
