but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
