90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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