So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
