i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
