Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
