maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
