Please, let me fuck your mom
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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