What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
