I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
