I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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