He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Text me some of your sweat
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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