I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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