Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
