The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
