Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
