I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
