I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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