So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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