Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
