worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
