btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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