I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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