i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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