there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
