woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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