FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
