Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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