1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
