Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
