I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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