I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
