Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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