I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
