i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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