Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
