Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize