I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
