You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
How naked do you want me to be?
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